Thanksgiving is a Choice (1Thes 5:16-18)

I have to warn you... this isn't going to be quite what you might have thought. It also might be a little long (surprise, surprise!).

Original Art by Paperbag Ninja. an old friend.
Isn't he talented?

This year, I'm choosing to be thankful. Choosing to be thankful, because it's a choice I have the power to make. And it's a good choice. "A thankful heart is a happy heart," right? (Can you source that one without google? I'll be impressed). 

Don't get me wrong. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know it. 

Norman Rockwell. Another favorite illustrator.
Sadly, I did not know him personally.

I have a roof over my head.
I have a bed to sleep on. Blankets. Pillows.
I have food to eat.
I have a job that matters.
I have friends who encourage me.
I have family who love me.
I have faith that the God who set the world spinning has his eye on me.

So I'm not fussing. 
I have, however, been thinking a lot about how, um, nuanced the truth can be.





Because, you see... 
that roof  is my sister's. I'm thankful to have a place to stay. And excited to be part of some big things happening here. But I also miss having my own place.

the bed, well, it's not my own. It's warm. It's comfy. It's available. It works. 

the food... well, I sorta miss cooking (though the not choosing "What's for dinner?" That's quite lovely!). My sis would totally let me cook. If I got home at a decent hour. But she's a great cook, and I'm horrible at schedules. Oh, and the whole kids/family thing (cooked for a family lately? You know what I'm talking about). Yea.

the job?, teaching? I love the kids. Love them. I just wish the job was more like what I thought it would be. You know, projects, encouraging, laughing, inspiring. I never realized how much data management and testing there was to teaching. Probably because - way back when I first decided to do it - there wasn't! Oh, and it would be nice if it actually left me with something (like independence?) after I paid the bills.

and my friends.... Wow. My friends. I miss them ALL so much. I'm making new friends at my new job. Great people, with fun stories. But it's not as if you can just "click" right away with new people. So it takes time. And I recognize my own choices put me in that situation. So I'm practicing my patience. But I'd be lying if I denied that I'm also lonely. It's hard to get encouragement from folks you can't see or talk to. 

Of course, I do have my family. My sister, brother-in-law, and their great kids, who are sharing their space with me. My crazy parents, who make a point of seeing me for Christmas. My brother, his girl, and his baby (soon to be babies), who I can't wait to catch up with. And the farther... more distant family... Mimia, Grandpa John, aunts & uncles, cousins, babies... people who keep me in their hearts and prayers all the time. Of course, once upon a time, a long, long time ago a certain little girl thought that for sure she'd have her own family by now.  

Illustrated by Charles Schultz? Or the TV guys? 

If that's not in God's plan?  
Well, how can I fuss? I've got so much to be thankful for. 

I am blessed.
And I choose to remember that.
Today.
And tomorrow.
And every single day that passes.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love it. Eating. Hanging out with friends and family. Recognizing that another year has come and gone, and sooooooo much life has happened.Setting aside a whole day to actually say "thank you," to the Giver of Life.  Please don't feel sorry for me. That's not why I wrote this. I wrote this because I felt like it was important to be honest. Being thankful doesn't mean that you  naively gloss over the hard stuff, or that everything in life is rainbows and unicorns. Being thankful means that you faced reality, put a smile on, and chose to slowly, carefully, deliberately count your blessings day-by-day.

I know God's got a plan. I might not always like it - just like stubborn little girls don't always like daddy's suggestions. But He's always been there for me. So I trust. The bills do get paid. The roof does not leak. I'm safe. I am loved. 

I am blessed. 

The maker of the cosmos wants to have Thanksgiving dinner with me, face to face, someday. He's promised never to forget about me, even while He seeks out other guests. In fact, He's saving me a special place at the table. 

I am blessed. 
And for that I truly am thankful. 

Rejoice always. Pray continuously. Give thanks in all circumstance. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thes. 5:16-18

DaVinci. Not an illustration. But fitting, right?

Promises Kept... Tatoo, part 2 (Ps 65:8)

Last week, I gave y'all a peek at my tattoo, and promised to return to the story (though I'm sure it's more info than most of you needed/wanted. I'm pretty sure my momma might read the whole thing, lol). So... here I am! Just to get it all in one post, forgive me for resharing a little about the palm tree. 

PhotoCred: My sister. Myrtle Beach.

A palm tree stands, solid, anchored against anything. Hurricane force winds. Crashing waves. Scorching sun. It stands where God put it. Alone, in this case. On an island. Tall, pretty much straight, bowing to challenges, but not breaking. Beautiful. Growing stronger every day, every season. And soaking up the light.

The palm tree represents welcome to travelers, vacationers, wanderers. It speaks of rest for the weary and shelter for the shipwrecked. It's a promise that no matter how wild the world gets, life will go on.

When I feel like life is a hurricane; that things are just "not fair;" when I wonder how I will make it through the storms of the season, it's the image of the palm tree that gives me strength. 

Hatteras... Nov. 2013. PhotoCred:RQ

My palm tree is by the ocean (not in some desert oasis) because the ocean is where I feel most connected to God, most humbled by the mysteries of the cosmic plan. I blogged about that a couple posts back. Sometimes it's important to remember how small I am... how tiny my story in the grand scheme of the universe. I know it sounds odd, but I take comfort in the fact that my little life (with all of it's dramas) really won't make-or-break the Master Plan. 

VA Beach... November 2012

The waves, swirling, crashing ... represent the drama and turmoil and darker moments of life. Any life. All life. My life. There are two big ones... and they could be the two times I've seen my life restarted, or the two major moves I've made. Or not. There's also a little one... growing? ebbing? I don't know. Because we just never know what's coming. We never know how much we will be asked to bear.

Sunset @ Myrtle Beach, with my niece & nephew.
PhotoCred: my sister. Isn't she awesome?

But then there's the sun. The infinite sun ... The SON. Above all the turmoil, demanding respect. Awe-inspiring. Energizing. Giving life to the palm tree. Warming the sand. Glorifying the scene. Renewing. Re-invigorating. Constant. The sun outlasts it all. 

Of course, if you know me at all, you know I don't make life-decisions without careful consideration. This design was lovingly crafted, tweaked, and edited for over a year before I finally got inked. I'm blessed to have a fantastic friend with the gifts of both artistry and patience, who drafted and re-drafted and talked it through with me. That's how I am. I think things through. I do my research. I have a plan.

However, if you know me well, you know that when crunch time finally comes, I have an interesting habit of veering off script.

Jeep.

Ummm...dunno. Sometime, somewhere.

Bird. Yep. The bird was unplanned... until the day before. The bird... is me, just as much as is the tree. The bird loves to travel. To feel free. To ride the winds. The bird does cartwheels of joy in the air. Shouts its pleasure to the heavens. She knows the power of a good "wahoo." And, so, she soars. Unworried about anything beyond the moment. Getting closer to the sun. Circling back to home. Free, and yet also anchored. Joy-filled.

So...there you have it. The whole story (for now) of my first tattoo.  Located on the side of my right leg (yes, the one I broke). Just high enough that I can see it over the sneakers I "get" to wear all the time now. A ready reminder of the place that sings to my soul. 

I know it will evolve as my life does. Which is exciting, too.

The whole earth is filled with awe at [God's] wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, [he calls] forth songs of joy.   - Psalm 65:8

Palm Trees and Privacy (Jer 17:7-8)

Over the summer, this summer, I got my first tattoo. It's something I've wanted for a long time, but - for reasons that had nothing to do with fear - I didn't get it. I was, and am, super-excited to finally have it. 

A couple of my closest friends knew. They were with me for the journey. One actually helped me decide what I wanted. One held my hand while I got it done. One, who couldn't be there in person, cheered me on from a distance. All-in-all, there were about 6 people who knew. Having these dear ones involved was a blessing. I knew what I wanted, and with their confidence in my ability to make the right decision, I had the courage to reach out for it.

 On the other hand, there were a few people I did NOT want to know until the deed was done. People who didn't know my heart; didn't realize how long I had been thinking and praying about this life-changing decision. (Think that "life-changing" is an exaggeration? Do you have a tattoo? If not, ask someone who does). They would have tried to talk me out of it, without knowing my whole story. Next, there were the people who are afraid to do it themselves and would have put their own "junk" onto me. Right beside them, were the people who would encourage me to do anything, regardless of the consequences. I thought it wise to avoid the counsel of these folks. So I did.

When I first saw my dream realized, I wanted to call everyone I knew and tell them. I wanted to blow up social media with the news. I have a blog (or two). I have a twitter account that I never use. I have Instagram. Facebook. And if that's not enough, I have e-mail. What's the point of being soooo connected if we don't put the big, exciting things out there?

And yet, I didn't. 
It's been 3 months. 3. And I'm just now saying something.

Why? 

Why not sooner? 
Because, I realized, that I'm not really the diva I worried about being. I tell you this, because I want to be honest. It turns out that the big things in my life don't make social media until long after they stop being "news." You probably knew that from when I decided to move away from WA. It's okay to laugh if you were ahead of me in figuring that out. I'm a slow processor.


Why now? 
Because I want to write (just a little) about the design I chose, and what it means to me. Because, (as I believe tattoos should), it is a helpful little reminder to me of things that matter oh-so-much.

Except... I know I've already written too much. You have other things to do today. But I'll get back to it. I promise.

For now, I'll just say a couple words about the palm tree. (Odd choice, for fall, I realize. But - hey! - this is me)!

It stands, against anything. Hurricane force winds. Crashing waves. Scorching sun. It stands where God put it. Alone, on an island. Tall, pretty much straight, bowing to challenges, but not breaking. Beautiful. Growing stronger every day, every season. And soaking up the light. Welcoming travelers. Signaling rest for the weary.

When I feel like life is a hurricane; that things are just "not fair;" when I wonder how I will make it through the storms of the season, it's the image of the palm tree that gives me strength. 

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream." - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (though 6 is pretty good, too). 

The Color of Courage (PS 104:24)

Umm...the month of October seems to have slipped away without a single post on this blog (or the other, for that matter). I wish I could say I've been busy doing amazing things, but... no, not so much. In fact, it was exactly the opposite. I was doing NOTHING, and so I had nothing to say.

In September, the local doc limited me to only necessary walking. It wasn't until October 18 that I got my freedom back. It was a little frustrating, but I remembered how far I'd come since April, and I waited.  Maybe not as patiently as I could, but I waited.

However, now that I'm in motion again, I'm free to do some exploring. 

It's fall. 

And it's lovely here. 

Durant Park

I can't help but be amazed at the awesomeness of the fall canvas God's painted for us. Such stunning colors. So crisp. So vivid. Bold. Cheerful.

And gone so soon. 

Sure, fall happens every year. But this fall only happens now.

There's a couple lessons I've learned from the trees in the last few weeks. 

1) It's easy to get so caught up in day-to-day stuff that we miss the simple beauty. I know I don't need to explain how report cards and RTI and lesson plans and grading and housework and shopping and sports and cleaning and cooking and ...  can just consume a person to the point of not being able to breathe - let alone notice the world beyond the hamster-wheel. I know you know all that. I know that. But every so often I have to be reminded to STOP. Stop and look around. I nearly missed an entire season. 

PhotCred: GlutenFreePrincess
 on Facebook (a personal friend)

So, consider this your reminder. Go. Go outside. Kick some leaves. Listen to the wind. Breathe. Just for 5 minutes. Go right now. You'll be glad you did. 

Ok.
Back, now? You're smiling, right? So...ready for the second lesson?

2) Fall is beautiful because the trees are not worrying about tomorrow. 

They are giving 100% of everything they have. Trusting that God knows best. Enjoying the day. Knowing that winter will come, and they will be able to rest, renew, and refresh. In the spring they will put all of their energy into budding. The trees don't know about half-measures. They live. Fully. Every season. No matter what that season brings. Early frost? Trust God. Extra weeks of sunshine? Trust God. Tons of snow? Trust. Not enough? Trust. Rain, wind, snow, sleet... trust. 

Be 100% there, and trust God to replenish.
Then others will see the bright, colorful, amazing miracles produced by courageous faith.

Wow. What a lesson. From the trees.

"How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures." 

- Psalm 104:24