A lily... Diva style! (Luke 12:27-32)

Umm... I'm back. 

Turns out that my verbal-processing-open-journal actually DOES keep me better connected to the folks I love. Because, despite having recently adopted a 45 minute commute, I'm still hard to catch on the phone. And I'm not the only one who's lousy at e-mail. But I simply cannot boil everything down to a facebook update. So, if you like random thoughts and updates from me; if you don't mind the occasional ramble, bookmark me. Check back...maybe weekly? That's my goal anyway. Weekly. We shall see.

It's been a busy summer. 

In early July, I moved out of my home in VA and onto my sister's couch in NC. 

Shortly after that, I had a fantastic trip back to Tacoma. I got to enjoy 80 degree summer in the Puget Sound, spoil a cuddly canine, and spend a ton of quality time with some of the most wonderful people I'll ever meet.

 My trip was restorative and restful. It also affirmed my decision to leave the lovely Pacific Northwest, at least for a while. The reasons I left - sunshine, family, and faith - are still strong pulls. Plus, I'm still adventuring. 

And learning. 

Since school started, I have learned even more about how different education is across the country. As 40+ states adopt the Common Core State Standards for curriculum, and adopt rubrics which tie teacher evaluations to student performance, outcomes are theoretically being leveleld. Yet I see no move to address the input. The disparities in resources - physical, technological, and human - in the three states where I hold a certificate are significant. These kids, their schools, and the districts/states aren't bringing the same things to the table. NC teachers get paid 2/3 as much as teachers in University Place, and yet they have more responsibilities in the classroom. One of the biggest districts in NC has a very restrictive limit on the number of copies teachers can make, because they can't afford paper and toner. At some point we, as a nation, need to have this conversation, too. But teacher stuff will mainly go on my other blog "only the lessons." Look for it there, a couple times a month. 

For now, let me just say that I'm loving my work environment. I have a welcoming and supportive team. The boss communicates regularly. The kids are fun to work with. The challenges are interesting. And, since it's a converted old high school  the campus (and the classroom) is huge. So I'm getting a lot of walking in.

Which is good. 

Because in July the doctor told me that I have pretty bad arthritis in my ankle. Likely predating the broken leg, but certainly aggravated by it. Now that I'm settled in my new district, I'm going to get it evaluated by a local doctor and learn what that means for me, long-term. (Feel free to pray for my medical care).  At first I felt rather...limited by this new development. The doc took away tennis and running (two hobbies I actually wanted to pick up). Although he did replace them with kayaking and walking (I already love walking, and kayaking... a water sport? twist my arm!), it still certainly complicated moving this summer. And vacation. And back-to-school. But then two things happened.

1) As I started walking my campus, regularly, and loosening up, the "predating" finally really sunk in. Meaning this really is the same condition I dealt with in my young adulthood. I dealt with it. Successfully. So I know I can deal with it. (And, for the record, I haven't used the "gimp stick" in at least 2 weeks).

2) I remembered how I dealt with it. I remembered that my God is bigger than the boogey man.  Or the arthritis fairy. I have been blessed in so many ways. And part of this journey was learning to trust God with everything. Everything, I guess, includes my ankles. Funny that. Head-shoulders-knees-and-toes?!

I'm not planning to let some deteriorated cartilage slow me down. In fact, I've some pretty ambitious health-and-fitness goals for the 2013/2014 school year. I'm excited and motivated. Not to mention stubborn. 

Oh, and broke, thanks to the NC pay schedule. But it doesn't cost (much) to walk. So I can learn to live super-frugally, and still have fun in the process. Win!

And you know what? God's got plans for me. It's been a while since I've been so excited to see what they might be. 

I know that for tomorrow, at least, they include spending a sunny morning hanging out with my niece, watching my nephew play PopWarner football, while my sister does her team-mom duties. That's a pretty good place to start.

"I'm a lily." - You Can't Take It With You (1938)

One of my all time favorite chunks of scripture begins with a reminder of the lilies and how lovely they are. It ends with the encouragement that God loves to bless us when we trust Him. It's a little long to type the whole thing here, but you can check out Luke 12:27-32 by clicking on this link. 

I hope you have an amazing week! 

Done? (Ecc 3:1)

I might be done with blogging... at least for now.

Last week, I had something to say... something interesting. Something that might have actually been worth sharing. A topic in the news was making my blood boil. It was controversial, and the loudest voices were the  ones who said they were speaking for me, representing my wishes. They were wrong. I disagreed. 
I drafted my comments in my head for 2 days. But I didn't have time to type them. 
And now...now it's too late.
What I had to say is no longer relevant. 

Which got me thinking about this blog.
I've struggled a lot with the purpose of blogging. I'm not one of those self-absorbed divas who actually thinks everyone wants to know what she's thinking. What I am is a "verbal processor" - I do my best thinking in words. I actually like feedback. And sometimes I just have to write to organize my thoughts.

You've probably noticed I'm don't exactly leap into the controversial stuff that keeps some blogs ticking. That's not because I don't have opinions, but rather because I'm not willing to stir up trouble here. Not in a one-sided conversation with only emoticons and italics to establish my tone. No, if I'm going to make people mad, I'd like to do it in person. If I'm going to try to change someone's mind, it's not going to be from my couch  - unless they are on the other end, and we've got a bottle of wine between us.

So that brings me back to some hard questions... 

Who reads my blog? Only my friends. People I can just call, and have an actual conversation with. 
A blog is a very one-sided conversation.

If I want wider reader-ship (and I'm not altogether sure I do), then I have to have something to say that connects to something other than myself and my life. Or I have to have a new way to say the same old things. Popular bloggers I follow write about family and housework and the tedium of day-to-day life, sure. But they do it in an interesting and unique way.

I'm not that original.

Why do people read my blog? I'm not sure, but I think it might be because they like talking to me, or because they want to know more about what's going on with me than a facebook status-update can explain. I know it's not because I'm all that profound or entertaining. 

I also know I'm not concise. And I am hard to catch on the phone. So maybe this "open journal" does serve a purpose. Keeping me connected to the rest of my world. Or maybe I'm becoming something of a diva after all. 

So... I'm going to cool it on the blog for a while. And work on building relationships in the real world. If you want to know what's up with me, call. Message me on facebook. Or e-mail. Send me a card. If you're in my time-zone, drop by for a visit.

Thanks for reading. I'll let you know when I'm back.

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

A Woman With A Plan (Prov 31:25)

I posted in October about "moving forward" by setting goals and making a plan to meet them. 
The question that set me off on that one was "How will your life be better next year than it is today?"

At the time, I was shocked to realize how much I'd just been "coasting" through my own life. So I set some goals. Made some plans. I discovered that I'd been afraid that planning ahead meant that in some way I was trying to do God's job. After all, Jesus explicitly said "don't worry about tomorrow." 

However, He also told us to be good stewards of our resources. Undoubtedly our time on Earth is one of our most precious resources. If we're going to use that time well, we have to have an eye to the future. 

Last week a friend asked me what my 5-year plan looked like.

Never in my life have I had a 5-year plan, unless you count graduating from high school. I don't actually think I can take credit for planning that, though. It's not like I had a choice. My parents always made it clear that I would graduate. If anything, it was their plan.

After high school I went to community college for 2 years, because I had a scholarship. 

Then I took a year off. School had always been easy for me. I wanted to really care about my education before I actually started to pay for it. The year off turned into 5. That wasn't planned. It just turned out that college was more expensive than I'd thought.


In year 2 of my "off time" I moved to WA. I was going to stay for two years, then move somewhere else (or return to CO).  I stayed in WA for 13 years.

When I finally went back to college, I had a three-year plan. Finish my degree, then get my teaching certificate (a 5th year program). I really didn't think beyond that. As I came to the end of my program I had a major meltdown over the idea of signing a contract for a year. I din't know if I could commit to working in one school, one district for that long. It took my advisor most of a box of tissues to persuade me that a school-year - 180 days - was well within my comfort zone.


180 days. 10 months. I could do anything for 10 months.With my mentor's advice ringing in my ears, I took a job in a small district I didn't expect to be a good fit.  I stayed there for 7 years.

Turns out I'm better at long-term than I thought I was.

So, now I'm thinking about my five-year plan. 
I'm writing it in pencil, because I've learned that sometimes things change in surprising ways. I know that God's the only one with a clear view of the future. I trust that His plan is the best plan. 

I also know that I can handle Him changing my plans. In October, one of the goals I set for myself was to be jogging in a 5K this spring. Then I broke my leg in December, and had to take that goal off the list (for now). It wasn't the end of the world. I'd never stopped to realize it, but one of my strengths is adapting.

Five years from now-ish... 
I'll be debt-free (except maybe that student loan).
I'll have dozens of new memories of adventures with my family. Parades. Birthdays. Dances. Soccer. TBall. Basketball. Lakes. Beaches.
I'll have a dog who loves to go walking/running with me. Loves taking car trips. Loves my nieces and nephew.
I'll be involved in my local church leadership again.

That's it so far. Not a bad start. 
There's more in my head, but I've still got to separate wishes (travel!) from plans (writing). And I know some things are totally out of my control. But in as far as I am able, I'm going to work to make the future count!

She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. -Proverbs 31:25

Don't Look Back!

A little less than a year ago I decided to leave everything I had known for most of my adult life and move east, toward adventure, sunrise, and family.

It was a bold decision.
It was exciting.
It was a leap of faith.
It was really hard to tell my friends.

"Hi guys. I really love you. I love the way you include me in your family events. I love cheering for your kids. I love parties in your backyard. I love that you will come cook with me in the middle of the night when I'm restless. I love the way you get me. By the way... I'm leaving it all to start a new life by myself where I know no one."

Yea.
I'm a big people person. I have a lot of friends. So... had some variation on that conversation about a dozen times last June. Most times, it ended with the reassurance that if things didn't work out, I'd always be welcome back.

One friend's words really stood out. One friend refused to go that road.
He said, in essence, that I had to burn the ships. I was an explorer going to a new world, and I couldn't be looking back over my shoulder, second guessing myself all the time. I had to keep my eyes forward, looking to the horizon. If I was going to go through with this (and his wife really hoped I wouldn't), then I had to commit, fully.

I knew he was right.

In October, when I had to give up my "leave" at my old job, because it was unethical to keep that spot "open" when I had another job, I resolutely put my eyes forward, and submitted my resignation. That "leave" had been my safety net. Cutting it loose was tough.


In November & December, when I was homesick for the traditions of the life I'd known, I remembered his advice, and quit looking back. I went out searching for new traditions. I wrote about it on a post called "Home for the Holidays." I didn't find any new traditions yet, but I did have some fun.

In January, when I broke my foot, and had to beg for help with everything, I knew it would have been easier had it happened in a place where I was surrounded by long-time friends. Still, that wasn't God's timing. I've dealt with the challenges, and learned a lot about my "new world" and myself in the process.

I've grown, and realized that even with the hurdles and homesickness, I am glad I moved.

Sometime, in the last few months, I crossed a line. I don't catch myself "examining" life anymore, checking out another way, comparing it to what I knew, and weighing it out as if I have an option to rent or to buy.  Sometime in the last few months, it's settled in my heart that for now, for this season, this *is* my life. I bought in.

I like what I've learned about myself and another part of our little world.


I miss my friends, and am thankful for the modern technology that keeps me connected, and lets me share my adventures with them and share their lives even now.  My heart will always call Tacoma home. It is a beautiful, wonderful place. I will gladly take advantage of any opportunity to visit.

Maybe some day - a few more years into the future -  I might choose to move back. Not because things didn't work out. No. If I move back, it will be because I have realized that I'm ready to settle down, and there's truly no place on Earth I'd rather be.

For now, though, as I enter the last quarter of my first year in my new life, I know that I'm not done with my adventures yet. I don't know what the next year will look like (though I desperately hope crutches & casts aren't involved). I do know there's a lot to see and do yet.

I'm looking forward to it.

I know this is where I usually insert a verse... I don't really have one this week. The closest I've found was Phil.3:13, but I don't really want to "forget" what was behind, even though I am pushing toward what lies ahead. To be honest, it's an old Stephen Curtis Chapman song "Burn the Ships" that's been running through my mind. It's 1990's retro, but I've always liked it. Here's a youtube link if you don't know it.

Do you, dear friend, have a verse I should meditate on that supports this topic? Maybe through your eyes...?

Happy Birthday ...to me! (Prov. 16:9)

Last week I posted about my broken foot and how it was testing my faith.
This week, God took events that looked like problems, and turned them into blessings. Reassurances, that even in the little things, He's still there. Which is exactly what I needed.


Problem #1 - flight delay.
With my broken leg, I'm needing a lot of help. Now the baton gets passed from my fantastically patient sister to the next helper in line. The schedule: Afternoon arrival. Dinner out together to celebrate - and to get me out of the house. A little time to get familiar with the apartment and routines before bed.

Or...not! Early morning check-in revealed a flight delay.


So, plans change.

Lunch out, instead of dinner. We decided to try some local sushi. It was tasty. Even better, we had great service. We even got a free piece of "you live in the south now" fried cheesecake! Better still, we enjoyed it all with lots of laughs.

Which put us in the right frame of mind to handle problem #2 - forgotten keys.

See, it's my home, but we left in my sister's car. You can see how that might lead to a problem, can't you?Yup! A couple errands after lunch, we realized we didn't have the keys. We had to kill a few hours until a solution (in the form of my landlord) would be available.



So we decided to cash in a "reward." Which led to a haircut and style. The first truly normal thing I've done since I hurt myself.

When I got home, I even found flowers at the door! Flowers. ;-)

I feel like a princess.
Which is especially fantastic since it was my birthday!

Of course, it wouldn't have happened if everything had gone according to MY plan.
So... like my devotional this morning suggested, I'm going to stop looking at the storm. The storm will pass. I'm going to look to the light.






In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.  -Proverbs 16:9

Be Brave! (Phil 4:8)

I admit it. I'm rather excited for Disney/Pixar's newest film, Brave.
Not because I love animated films (though when I'm in the right mood, I do). Not because I'm a fan of Scotland (I'm not) or folklore (I am, but this isn't a familiar tale). Not even because it's got a spunky female lead (what movie doesn't these days?).
Nope.
I'm excited because the leading lady has frizzy red hair.
Yup. You read that right. I'm excited because of a cartoon girl's tangled tresses.

I'm not sure how copyright works here in the blogosphere, so I won't post a picture from the movie. Here's a link to the official website, though. 

You might not recognize it consciously, but this is a 21st century first. Sure...there have been some frizzy-headed characters in modern movies. Quite often they are the "before." Remember 2001's The Princess Diaries, or even Harry Potter (Hermione became quite polished, rather quickly). But as a rule, today's heroines are always sleek, no matter how improbable (think Hunger Games). Add to that the ever-present Pantene commercials, and what's a frizzy-headed girl to do?

Spend a ton of time and money trying to smooth out her God-given curls? Wear a hat?
According to the previews for Brave, the Princess' mother tries both approaches. They don't work.
Merida, the princess, is who she is, and she's not ashamed of it.

We need a little more of that confidence in our every day lives.
We also need to recognize and represent the diversity that makes the world so glorious. Ethnic and cultural, certainly. I'm well aware that the media has  a huge problem with that. But, I realized this weekend, we also need to glorify the diversity of style and personality. We are not made to be cookie cutter copies of some master template.

What would happen if we didn't buy the stereotypes? If we didn't think every woman should WANT to look like Jennifer Aniston or Halle Berry? If we didn't think all men should WANT to look like Bradley Cooper or Donald Driver? What if we were more interested in the secrets of a person's character than Victoria's Secret?

We live in a media-saturated world. Books, movies, music, tv shows, and advertisements are everywhere, and they are training us, whether we want them to or not. It's how our brains work.

We have to fight back. Meet real people. Do real things. Soak up reality. Let reality shape our perceptions.


Recognize the truth:

Christians aren't always preaching.
Dads aren't all clueless.
Moms aren't all polished, organized, and patient.
Teenagers aren't all irresponsible. Or beasts. Or totally sex-crazed.
Suburban house-wives aren't all (fit and glamorous) joggers.
Singles aren't all hanging out at bars.
Criminals aren't glamorous.

... and not everyone has perfect hair.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. -Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

A moment in time

A while back, someone posed the following question as a warm-up to a Bible-study group I'm in: "If you could take one (round) trip on a time machine absolutely anywhen - past or future - when would you visit?"

Think about that for a minute. What would you wish?

The dozen-or-so people in my group had some great answers. One would visit a time of national tragedy as a pair of helping hands. One would visit the past with some tips on sanitation that would save countless lives. One wanted to look back a generation and try to understand her own parents better. A few wanted to peek into the future, to see how things turned out for their children and their children's children. 

So again...what would you wish?

Interestingly, only one of us chose to visit Bible-times. The Garden of Eden, to be exact.
Remember, this is a Bible study group. We're all believers. We all look eagerly toward the day when we'll be face-to-face with the glorified Christ in Heaven. But given the chance to time-travel, none of us wished to visit Him during His ministry here on Earth.

Why?
I can't speak for anyone else, but I have given a lot of thought to my own reluctance.
As usual, for me, there's not one easy answer.

There's the "good" answer. And the more real answer. They both boil down to the same key word: DOUBT.

The good answer is extracted from Jesus' own words to "doubting Thomas." Remember Thomas? He's the apostle who couldn't accept that Jesus was really back from the dead that first Easter until he had put his own fingers into the Lord's wounds. Jesus let Thomas poke away until Tom was satisfied that the man in front of him truly was the One he expected to rule. When Thomas declared "It is you!," Jesus replied, "because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

So that's the good answer. I believe without seeing, so I am differently blessed than those who touched, saw, and believed. I wouldn't want to loose the sweetness of that absolute faith. Each day, I rely on the Spirit of God in ways the early disciples didn't have to. It is only through God-in-Me that my faith grows, that I understand the universe, that I live with confidence that there is more to life than the "reality" that confronts me each day. That reliance draws me closer to God. I wouldn't jeopardize that for a moment.

Lovely thought, isn't it. And true. And yet... not all there is to my hesitation to step back into His path. After all, I know Jesus didn't love Thomas any less for wondering. I expect to meet him in Heaven. His story is proof, in the Bible, that Jesus understands our need to probe and question.

The more real answer is, of course, far messier and less pious.

I didn't choose to go back to Jesus's time because I was afraid that He wouldn't have time for me. That He wouldn't see me, notice me, hear me, care about me. Throughout His ministry he was surrounded by THRONGS of people. Thousands came to hear him preach. At least 3 times he had to "escape" the crowd. I wasn't willing to take the chance that I'd be just another face in that crowd. If Jesus didn't know me, didn't have time for me, couldn't see me or recognize me, I'd be lost.

I'm glad "God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." However, sometimes I need to know God cares just about ME, not about the whole world.

This spring I've spent some time re-reading the gospels. Looking at the individuals Jesus did encounter. Mary and Martha. Jairus, the official with the dying daughter. The blind man He healed with spit. Lazarus, for whom He wept. The woman at the well. The adulteress He saved from execution. Zaccheus. The Samaritan leper. The bleeding woman.

I've learned something important. Yes, Jesus did teach the crowd. Because God did send Him for the whole world. But He also made time for the individuals who sought him out. Zaccheus sat in a tree just hoping for a glimpse of the Lord passing by, and Jesus decided to come to his house for dinner. The bleeding woman snuck up on Him, so convinced of her own worthlessness that she didn't even want to ask for help or attention. He praised her for her faith. Jairus was an official at the synagogue - representing the very institutions that would have Jesus killed - yet, the He went into his house and rescued his young daughter.

So... I've learned that Jesus would have noticed me. He would have heard me, and even stopped to talk to me. He would have cared about me. I would not have been just a face in the crowd. The Spirit of God, the divine Comforter my Lord sent when He returned to Heaven, taught me that.
I've never been so glad to be wrong...and right...at the same time.


As for time-travel, maybe I'll visit doubting Thomas - after the Ascension, of course. It seems he and I might have a lot to talk about.