A lily... Diva style! (Luke 12:27-32)

Umm... I'm back. 

Turns out that my verbal-processing-open-journal actually DOES keep me better connected to the folks I love. Because, despite having recently adopted a 45 minute commute, I'm still hard to catch on the phone. And I'm not the only one who's lousy at e-mail. But I simply cannot boil everything down to a facebook update. So, if you like random thoughts and updates from me; if you don't mind the occasional ramble, bookmark me. Check back...maybe weekly? That's my goal anyway. Weekly. We shall see.

It's been a busy summer. 

In early July, I moved out of my home in VA and onto my sister's couch in NC. 

Shortly after that, I had a fantastic trip back to Tacoma. I got to enjoy 80 degree summer in the Puget Sound, spoil a cuddly canine, and spend a ton of quality time with some of the most wonderful people I'll ever meet.

 My trip was restorative and restful. It also affirmed my decision to leave the lovely Pacific Northwest, at least for a while. The reasons I left - sunshine, family, and faith - are still strong pulls. Plus, I'm still adventuring. 

And learning. 

Since school started, I have learned even more about how different education is across the country. As 40+ states adopt the Common Core State Standards for curriculum, and adopt rubrics which tie teacher evaluations to student performance, outcomes are theoretically being leveleld. Yet I see no move to address the input. The disparities in resources - physical, technological, and human - in the three states where I hold a certificate are significant. These kids, their schools, and the districts/states aren't bringing the same things to the table. NC teachers get paid 2/3 as much as teachers in University Place, and yet they have more responsibilities in the classroom. One of the biggest districts in NC has a very restrictive limit on the number of copies teachers can make, because they can't afford paper and toner. At some point we, as a nation, need to have this conversation, too. But teacher stuff will mainly go on my other blog "only the lessons." Look for it there, a couple times a month. 

For now, let me just say that I'm loving my work environment. I have a welcoming and supportive team. The boss communicates regularly. The kids are fun to work with. The challenges are interesting. And, since it's a converted old high school  the campus (and the classroom) is huge. So I'm getting a lot of walking in.

Which is good. 

Because in July the doctor told me that I have pretty bad arthritis in my ankle. Likely predating the broken leg, but certainly aggravated by it. Now that I'm settled in my new district, I'm going to get it evaluated by a local doctor and learn what that means for me, long-term. (Feel free to pray for my medical care).  At first I felt rather...limited by this new development. The doc took away tennis and running (two hobbies I actually wanted to pick up). Although he did replace them with kayaking and walking (I already love walking, and kayaking... a water sport? twist my arm!), it still certainly complicated moving this summer. And vacation. And back-to-school. But then two things happened.

1) As I started walking my campus, regularly, and loosening up, the "predating" finally really sunk in. Meaning this really is the same condition I dealt with in my young adulthood. I dealt with it. Successfully. So I know I can deal with it. (And, for the record, I haven't used the "gimp stick" in at least 2 weeks).

2) I remembered how I dealt with it. I remembered that my God is bigger than the boogey man.  Or the arthritis fairy. I have been blessed in so many ways. And part of this journey was learning to trust God with everything. Everything, I guess, includes my ankles. Funny that. Head-shoulders-knees-and-toes?!

I'm not planning to let some deteriorated cartilage slow me down. In fact, I've some pretty ambitious health-and-fitness goals for the 2013/2014 school year. I'm excited and motivated. Not to mention stubborn. 

Oh, and broke, thanks to the NC pay schedule. But it doesn't cost (much) to walk. So I can learn to live super-frugally, and still have fun in the process. Win!

And you know what? God's got plans for me. It's been a while since I've been so excited to see what they might be. 

I know that for tomorrow, at least, they include spending a sunny morning hanging out with my niece, watching my nephew play PopWarner football, while my sister does her team-mom duties. That's a pretty good place to start.

"I'm a lily." - You Can't Take It With You (1938)

One of my all time favorite chunks of scripture begins with a reminder of the lilies and how lovely they are. It ends with the encouragement that God loves to bless us when we trust Him. It's a little long to type the whole thing here, but you can check out Luke 12:27-32 by clicking on this link. 

I hope you have an amazing week! 

Done? (Ecc 3:1)

I might be done with blogging... at least for now.

Last week, I had something to say... something interesting. Something that might have actually been worth sharing. A topic in the news was making my blood boil. It was controversial, and the loudest voices were the  ones who said they were speaking for me, representing my wishes. They were wrong. I disagreed. 
I drafted my comments in my head for 2 days. But I didn't have time to type them. 
And now...now it's too late.
What I had to say is no longer relevant. 

Which got me thinking about this blog.
I've struggled a lot with the purpose of blogging. I'm not one of those self-absorbed divas who actually thinks everyone wants to know what she's thinking. What I am is a "verbal processor" - I do my best thinking in words. I actually like feedback. And sometimes I just have to write to organize my thoughts.

You've probably noticed I'm don't exactly leap into the controversial stuff that keeps some blogs ticking. That's not because I don't have opinions, but rather because I'm not willing to stir up trouble here. Not in a one-sided conversation with only emoticons and italics to establish my tone. No, if I'm going to make people mad, I'd like to do it in person. If I'm going to try to change someone's mind, it's not going to be from my couch  - unless they are on the other end, and we've got a bottle of wine between us.

So that brings me back to some hard questions... 

Who reads my blog? Only my friends. People I can just call, and have an actual conversation with. 
A blog is a very one-sided conversation.

If I want wider reader-ship (and I'm not altogether sure I do), then I have to have something to say that connects to something other than myself and my life. Or I have to have a new way to say the same old things. Popular bloggers I follow write about family and housework and the tedium of day-to-day life, sure. But they do it in an interesting and unique way.

I'm not that original.

Why do people read my blog? I'm not sure, but I think it might be because they like talking to me, or because they want to know more about what's going on with me than a facebook status-update can explain. I know it's not because I'm all that profound or entertaining. 

I also know I'm not concise. And I am hard to catch on the phone. So maybe this "open journal" does serve a purpose. Keeping me connected to the rest of my world. Or maybe I'm becoming something of a diva after all. 

So... I'm going to cool it on the blog for a while. And work on building relationships in the real world. If you want to know what's up with me, call. Message me on facebook. Or e-mail. Send me a card. If you're in my time-zone, drop by for a visit.

Thanks for reading. I'll let you know when I'm back.

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

A Woman With A Plan (Prov 31:25)

I posted in October about "moving forward" by setting goals and making a plan to meet them. 
The question that set me off on that one was "How will your life be better next year than it is today?"

At the time, I was shocked to realize how much I'd just been "coasting" through my own life. So I set some goals. Made some plans. I discovered that I'd been afraid that planning ahead meant that in some way I was trying to do God's job. After all, Jesus explicitly said "don't worry about tomorrow." 

However, He also told us to be good stewards of our resources. Undoubtedly our time on Earth is one of our most precious resources. If we're going to use that time well, we have to have an eye to the future. 

Last week a friend asked me what my 5-year plan looked like.

Never in my life have I had a 5-year plan, unless you count graduating from high school. I don't actually think I can take credit for planning that, though. It's not like I had a choice. My parents always made it clear that I would graduate. If anything, it was their plan.

After high school I went to community college for 2 years, because I had a scholarship. 

Then I took a year off. School had always been easy for me. I wanted to really care about my education before I actually started to pay for it. The year off turned into 5. That wasn't planned. It just turned out that college was more expensive than I'd thought.


In year 2 of my "off time" I moved to WA. I was going to stay for two years, then move somewhere else (or return to CO).  I stayed in WA for 13 years.

When I finally went back to college, I had a three-year plan. Finish my degree, then get my teaching certificate (a 5th year program). I really didn't think beyond that. As I came to the end of my program I had a major meltdown over the idea of signing a contract for a year. I din't know if I could commit to working in one school, one district for that long. It took my advisor most of a box of tissues to persuade me that a school-year - 180 days - was well within my comfort zone.


180 days. 10 months. I could do anything for 10 months.With my mentor's advice ringing in my ears, I took a job in a small district I didn't expect to be a good fit.  I stayed there for 7 years.

Turns out I'm better at long-term than I thought I was.

So, now I'm thinking about my five-year plan. 
I'm writing it in pencil, because I've learned that sometimes things change in surprising ways. I know that God's the only one with a clear view of the future. I trust that His plan is the best plan. 

I also know that I can handle Him changing my plans. In October, one of the goals I set for myself was to be jogging in a 5K this spring. Then I broke my leg in December, and had to take that goal off the list (for now). It wasn't the end of the world. I'd never stopped to realize it, but one of my strengths is adapting.

Five years from now-ish... 
I'll be debt-free (except maybe that student loan).
I'll have dozens of new memories of adventures with my family. Parades. Birthdays. Dances. Soccer. TBall. Basketball. Lakes. Beaches.
I'll have a dog who loves to go walking/running with me. Loves taking car trips. Loves my nieces and nephew.
I'll be involved in my local church leadership again.

That's it so far. Not a bad start. 
There's more in my head, but I've still got to separate wishes (travel!) from plans (writing). And I know some things are totally out of my control. But in as far as I am able, I'm going to work to make the future count!

She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. -Proverbs 31:25

Time-OUT! (Mk 2:27)

A few weeks ago I made myself an outline of topics I wanted to write about for the next few weeks. My goal was to become more consistent, and to find a rhythm in my posting. I deliberately decided to ignore trickier issues like voice, relevance, and whether or not the world really needs another blogger. I enjoy writing, and I decided that it was my privilege to inflict my opinions on anyone crazy enough to read them. After all, if the title of this blog doesn't say "enter at your own risk," I think you  may want to revisit the definition of "insignificant."

So I have this outline. A to-do list, if you will.

This week was supposed to be about loving what you do. Burning the midnight oil. Having a passion for your job. It seemed like a good fit for a week that included parent-teacher conferences. I even got Jennie to make me some art! (Go, check out her website. She does some cool stuff).

I was right in theory. This week was exhausting. The midnight oil was burnt, refilled, and burnt again. I even wrote two posts about conferences earlier this week, just to vent. (Scroll down, they should be showing).

But now that the week is done, and I've survived, I'm not feeling very passionate about work. In fact, I'm feeling rather drained.

Which could be a problem, since the schedule says to write about passion.
Then again, maybe not. After all, true passion does leave us exhausted. Spent.
Perhaps because we are not able to live very long at that level of intensity. We have to have time to recharge. Reset.

God made us that way. He warned us to make time to rest. He specifically set aside one day in every week for unwinding. He even modeled it for us. "On the seventh day He rested." - Genesis 2:2.

I'm sure there's something God could have been doing that first Sabbath day. Something on His eternal to-do list. Something He could have been tweaking, improving, making better than "good." He did get right back to work on the 8th day, without an alarm clock or snooze alarm (though I'd like to believe He at least had some coffee!), because there was still plenty to be done.

That's the point, really. There's always more to be done. There's a huge gulf between "good enough" and "excellent." As much as I'd like to be excellent, all the time, at everything (and my mom will be happy to tell you I've always been that way), I'm learning that sometimes I have to accept "good enough."

So today's the day I'll rest and reset. I've already gone for a walk. I've read a book. I'm giving myself time and permission to just do whatever I want. Which will probably include folding the laundry and cleaning the kitchen, not because they are on some to-do list, or because they have to be done, but because having things clean and organized makes me feel rested.

Then tomorrow afternoon, when I take out my school-bag, I'll be able to feel the excited anticipation of renewed enthusiasm.

Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me of the real reason for the fourth commandment.

Then He said to them "The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath."  -Mk2:27 (NIV)

On moving forward... (Prov. 9:12)

Last Friday, a member of the local Sherrif's department came to give an assembly for all the 5th graders at my school. Most of these 5th graders have been with our school for many years. More than half of them come from "challenging" backgrounds. For them, 5th grade really marks a crucial dividing line. Up until now, the deputy reminded them, they've been surrounded by people who know them well, and are working with them, as they develop their characters. Next year begins a whole new era of personal accountability.

At the heart of his presentation was a message about setting goals and working toward them. He shared how he is working to further his education, taking online classes at night after getting home at 2a.m.. He told the kids that his drive was to be a better person, husband, father, friend, officer next year than he was this year.

Of course, that's what we all want, isn't it? To be a better person next year? To develop as human beings? It certainly is what God wants for us.

Yet how many of us really stop to examine our personal, long-term goals - regularly - and work toward them faithfully? I know I don't. Not that I don't set goals. Or accomplish things. As any one who's known me long can tell you, when I make my mind up to do something, it gets done.

Unless it doesn't.

Usually the "doesn't" covers the things that actually would improve me as a person. I can plan for a vacation, no problem. This summer I checked at least 3 items off my bucket list. But there are some long-term goals I've had for a while that I've done next-to-nothing about. 

Yes, progress is being made.
But don't ask how long those cups have been around. 

So, I realized I'm not a novelist about a year after I bought this magazine.
But I am an essayist. And much of the same logic/discipline applies.

I've yet to meet a Christian who really felt they "got" Revelation.
I keep meaning to *really* study it. And the prophets. Oh, and the law.
Clearly, I could certainly spend more time  internalizing God's message to His children.
(Book by a friend, Keith Ferrin, available at this link.)

The uncomfortable truth is that I'm much better with short term goals than long term ones. Accomplishing things keeps life interesting, and makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere. Sometimes I am. But not having long-term goals is the same as refusing to look at the bigger picture. And God created us as eternal beings. There's no avoiding the fact that life is lived long-term.

Of course, long term goals require a plan. And some patience. Not to mention perserverence. Those are 3 p's I really struggle with (believe it or not!). Thank goodness for prayer. Because when it comes to thinking long-term, I know I need God's help.

So I'm carving out time today to consider the deputy's questsion: "How will I be a better person next year than I am today?" I already have a couple of ideas. Based on my history with short-term goals, I am confident that, God willing, I can achieve it.

And won't that be a day to celebrate?! 

You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom; and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer.

(HA! You were expecting 1Cor9:24, weren't you? I thought about it. Really I did.)           -Proverbs 9:12 And if I were you, I'd peek back at Proverbs 8, too.

4-3-2-1 (Prov 3:5-6)

A little more than 10 weeks ago I decided to move across the country. This is the 4th entry in a somewhat belated journal about my adventure.

As I mentioned, last time, in order to make such a big move, there were a few important things I needed to figure out. 1)      I’d need a job. 2)      I’d need a home. 3)      I’d need to figure out how to get my stuff to my new home.

Option 1: Get rid of all my stuff and start over.
This option was attractive for its elegant simplicity. No fuss, no muss. Sometime, I just might write about the three times I've done exactly that. Stuff, after all, is just stuff. So I took inventory: one well-loved couch & armchair. A beautiful bedroom set that I love. Books. Some shelves - both homemade and put-together-from-boxes (not nearly enough for the books, though).  Lovely things, but it's not like I they were antiques or heirlooms. I didn't even have a kitchen table or dishes. My treasures have always been my relationships.

---And, it turns out, the mementos of those relationships. When I sat down to inventory my life, I found just a few things I couldn't part with (or digitize).

My hope chest (custom made for me by the men in my family).

My scrapbooks (and scrapbooks in progress). Together these hold my most cherished memories.

My journal-boxes (which fill the hope chest). Journals, creative writing, playbills, graduation announcements, and other assorted mementos (and special jewelry) representing milestones in my life and the lives of those I love.

If these things were taken from me by a fire or flood, I would have to deal with it. But I could never choose to get rid of them. And since they wouldn't fit in my car anyway, selling the rest of the stuff would be foolish.

Option 2: Drive a moving van myself.
This is, after all, how my family usually moves. Rent the big white truck. Load it. Drive it. Unload it.
Unload it.
That might be a problem. See, on the loading end, I was pretty sure I could arrange for help. Since I knew no one in VA, unloading would be all me. Imagine, please, me, myself, and I moving a long horizontal dresser. Or a hope chest. Or a couch. All alone.
Yea. Not really an option.


Option 3: Hire movers
This was stressful, because it was the unknown option. I don't do well with unknowns. It was a little more expensive than renting a moving van (but not really, if I had to hire muscle to help at my destination).

I did my research, and I found out that really there's not much a customer can do beyond choosing a reputable moving company. Other than that, it's all out of your hands. Which is, after all, the point.

So, I decided to hire movers.
I got estimates.
I arranged dates.
I gave notice to my landlord.
My roommate and I started packing.







You may have noticed that I skipped #2: find a home. Um...yea. Initially, I thought I could find a place with a short term lease by doing my research online. In the 21st century, it should be easy enough to use search engines and satelite maps to start looking for apartments. Once I had a job and a zipcode, I was sure I could at least get some ideas, find safety data for neighborhoods, read reviews. With any luck I could call some managers and be pretty set before I arrived.

So I started to do all that. I made lists, and found links. Then I took a break and helped my roommate in WA find her a new place. She began her search exactly as I planned to begin mine - online. Together we went to check out some of her prospects in this city we'd lived in for 13 years.

Have you seen that commercial for ... actually, I don't even know what it's for. It ends with the "French model." Here's a link to a shortened youtube clip.  Yea.

My point is this: the internet is good for many things, but for me, at any rate, finding a new home long-distance is not one of them. We were suckered into looking at some pretty awful places in a city we knew really well. (She did find a cute place, by the way). I found myself imagining all the horrors I might get myself into if I tried to follow through on my plan. So, I gave up the internet search, and once again, found myself praying that the Lord would provide. Knowing that could mean anything. Confident I would be taken care of.

I packed up (with the help of MANY fabulous friends).
The movers came.
I turned in my keys.
And stepped out in faith.

I arrived in my new town on a Thursday morning, with no clue where I was going to live.
Friday evening I had a landlord.
Sunday I had a lease.
Monday I moved in.

My (front) door. Welcome.

The house. I have the basement.

The "across the street" neighbors.

I don't know you, but I call that a miracle.

Do you want to know the very best part?
The new apartment came with a kitchen table. And bookcases. My very own golden fleece, right there in my empty new apartment. (Not sure what I'm talking about? Check out Gideon's story in the Bible). I hadn't even asked for reassurance, but God provided it for me anyway.

Because He knows my heart, and knows that I tend to worry, doubt, and second-guess.
But, as I sit at my table and type, I'm learning to trust. How could I not?

Just over 10 weeks ago I decided to completely rearrange my life. With little savings, in a bad economy, I decided to move across the country to a state where I didn't know a single person, for no better reason than that I wanted to. Anyone with any sense will tell you that this should NEVER have worked out. Yet, it did. It did.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

8-7-6-5 (Mk 10:27)

10 weeks ago I decided to move across the country. This is the 3^rd entry in a somewhat belated journal about my adventure.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” - Mark 10:27

In order to make such a big move, there were a few important things I needed to figure out.

1)      I’d need a job. Probably teaching, since I’m still paying off the student loans.

2)      I’d need a home.

3)      I’d need to figure out how to get my stuff to my new home.

(Nope. Didn't create this one either. Sometimes I love Google. Sometimes I hate it)

Plus I needed to finish the 2011/2012 school year. If you didn’t realize it, the last month of school is a terrifically busy time for teachers. There’s the last push to finish covering material. Projects to wrap up. Reviews. Tests. And GRADES. Not to mention all the “end of year” fluff that makes it memorable for the students and their families – field days, field trips, yearbooks, assemblies, awards and showcases. Oh, and the behind-the-scenes stuff – staff meetings, ranking lists, transition notes for next year’s teachers, debriefing curriculum maps, and planning necessary changes for next year.

So, I had to prioritize. Since I don’t like commuting, I decided to tackle finding a job first.

Goal:  any teaching or other position in 3^rd – 8^th grade for which I am qualified.  In a VA district within a 4 hour drive of Raleigh. Not more than 2 hours from ocean access.

Strategy : Apply everywhere. Pray for the right doors to open.

Turns out that everywhere within my boundaries includes more than 35 school divisions (districts). Most with their own online application portal. After eliminating a few that were too rural, or listed a pay rate far lower than my current salary, I still had 25 reasonable candidates.

Prayerfully I began filling out packets and answering questions.

Lord, please lead me to a job. Help my application stand out from the crowd. Surely, there’s got to be some district that needs a teacher with my skills. Please, open a door. I just need one reasonable offer. 

As I filled out applications, more questions came up.

It was clear that VA has an openness to out of state candidates. There appeared to be openings, but were districts truly hiring outside candidates? A lot of districts in the Puget Sound area had posted openings that were filled by internal candidates, or teachers who had been RIF’d (laid off) due to continuing budget problems. What if all the openings I was seeing were the same type of phantom openings? Would I be able to get a job from out of state? Could I perhaps do some preliminary phone interviews, then arrange to fly out for a week early in the summer and do a bunch of in person interviews all at once?

If I couldn’t find a full-time teaching position, what else could I do? Could I get work in a district office, doing something clerical? Or working with the assessment folks? I knew I could probably sub, but would that pay the bills? No matter what, I was taking a pay cut moving to VA. And I would have to pay state taxes. And I didn’t have a roommate any more. Could I afford part-time work? How long would it be before I was working daycare again? Waiting tables?

A hundred questions. A hundred uncertainties. A hundred reasons to change my mind.

(Another image I did not create. I really need to get more creative.)

Funny, though, I never once considered NOT going.  

I was acting on my new understanding of God the Provider. I was trusting in my assurance that this was “okay” with my Heavenly Father, and that He would be with me, come what may.  

• 10 weeks ago, I decided to move across country.
• 9 weeks ago, I turned in the first of many job application packets.
• 8 weeks ago, I got my first interview, over the phone. The possibility that I could get a job from a phone (or Skype?) interview hadn’t really occurred to me before. I was excited. That would save me the costs of a trip. I began to pray for just such an opportunity.
• 7 weeks ago, I sent my 7^th group of students off for their summer vacation. I decided to allow myself two more weeks to focus on the job hunt, then I’d have to work on the other details.
• 6 weeks ago, I finished submitting the 25^th and final packet. I had never heard back from that first interview. I faced the possibility that I might be moving without a job. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for confidence.
• 5 weeks ago, I had my second phone interview. On Tuesday. OnThursday, I had a job.

From a phone interview.

Because with God, truly, all things are possible.

10-9-8 (Jn 10:10)

So... 10 weeks ago (June 4th, about 3 am) I decided to move (if you didn't read part one of this move-journal "what's in your heart," you might want to do that now). I decided to take a walk with God-the-provider, and see what happened.

Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that there are many levels of provision. I recognized that I could very well find myself on bread and water for the next 40 years. While that would be quite a change from the salmon and steak I've become accustomed to, I wasn't worried.

I was excited. Like a kid at Christmas. Tingly, giggly, cannot sleep excited.
So I quit trying to sleep and started lining up ducks.


First - decide where, exactly, to go.
Closer to family, which was part of the "why," meant the East Coast. There's a lot of choices there. Just to prove I can summarize a little, I won't go through the whole process of elimination with you. After all, it took less than 5 minutes in my head, it seems only fair to keep it short for you. In the end, I decided on NC, SC, or VA.

In Bible times, this would be where they sent out a scouting party. Joshua checking out Jericho. Me, I've got the internet. By dawn I knew the licensing requirements for teachers in all three states. NC was out, on the grounds that they would make me take expensive qualifying tests. I'm a great test-taker, but a horrible saver, plus, taking qualifying tests to do a job I was already doing didn't sit well with me. SC didn't require the tests, but did warn that they might be requested at a later time. VA wanted 3+ years of teaching experience, no expensive tests required. I had a winner.

And it "felt" right.

My sis was a little dissappointed that I ruled out NC so early. I never really reconsidered. I did try to seriously consider SC, but it was farther from my parents and brother's family. I also just felt more peaceful about VA. I like to believe it was a little Holy Spirit soothing.


I'm not saying God called me to VA. Maybe He did, and time will tell. But I am saying that he approved of my desire to go there.

Parents, you know what I mean. Junior asks if he borrow the car to go see the newest alien invaders movie with his friends. You might wish he'd stay home, enjoy any of the hundreds of DVD's you already have, and save his money. Or go to the park. Or go visit grandma, who misses him. Or clean his room. Or at least wait until the movie comes to the cheap theater.  But you can see the desire of his heart is to have this adventure with his friends, at this time. So you say, "okay," and you give him the keys. Gladly. Because you trust him, and his friends, and you know he'll make wise choices.

As I pondered this move, more verses came to mind, assuring me that God was in this, God was OK with this. God created me with a desire for adventure. Jesus came that I might live life abundantly. For too long I had been living as a slave to imagined "shoulds." I should settle down. I should be content with a life that many would consider a complete success. I should NOT take risks in this economy. I have a job, I should just stick it out. I should NOT leave my friends. I should be happy.

I had subconsciously turned my great God (partly) into a cosmic King Midas. You remember him, don't you? In his desire to make everything in his kingdom perfect, Midas stifled his own beloved daughter - nearly killed her. I knew God loved me, but I felt chained by beauty and love and friendship and security and comfort. Golden chains, it turns out, are still chains.

As I considered my options, I remembered a few more kingdom principles. Family is important. God created the whole planet, and there is more beauty in it than just Puget's Sound (though it's hard to imagine anything topping that view). God got me the job I had in University Place, He could surely get me another. True friendships can survive time and distance.

Most importantly, God is not King Midas.

So by 6 am I had called my sister and told her the news.
By 8am I had told my boss.
Just two weeks after having re-decorated my classroom to be better organized for next school year, I was telling my boss that I wouldn't be back after all.

And so I began filling out paperwork to get my credentials in VA. I began applying online for jobs. I began trusting that somehow it would all work out.

I began my adventure. And I felt alive!

The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy;
I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10

What's in your heart? (PS 37:4)

Take delight in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

(I did not make this picture. I haven't been to a sunny, sandy beach this year. Yet?)

Oh my goodness! If I didn't know this was true before this journey, I would certainly be convinced now.
I'd like to spend the next few days sharing a snapshot of the last 10 weeks of my life. If I were a different person, I could use less words and fit it all into one post. But if you know me, you know "succint" is not in my toolkit.

As I shared in an earlier post, my motto for the last couple years has been "love the life you live." Paul and Timothy both touted the virtues of contentment. I have made a point - almost a discipline - of noticing and being thankful for the little blessings that God had poured out on me. 12 weeks ago, I had one of those great weeks that are easy to enjoy. Dinner with a friend. Checkups with the dentist and the eye doctor. Lining up easy work for the summer, and looking forward to vacation. Preparing for the end of the school year, and planning ahead for the next one. Organizing. Cleaning. A friend even came into my classroom one weekend to help me re-arrange posters so the walls would be ready for September. Ballet with yet another friend, and chosing shows to see the following season.

Then, June 3 (just over 10 weeks ago), in a sermon series on the Lord's prayer, we hit the phrase "give us this day our daily bread." Simple, right? Just a handy reminder that God's our ultimate provider, that He wants us to rely on Him, and that He's happy to give us what we need.

Unless you dwell on it. Simple doesn't stay simple for long when you really think about it.
"Give us this day our daily bread."
Like He did for the Israelites in the desert. When they didn't know what to expect or how they would survive, God rained down mana from heaven. Simple fare. Basic. But it met their needs. They rejoiced. It was like nothing they'd ever had before. It was amazing. They were satisfied.

Until they weren't. They complained. Still the food came.
Then they whined about the other petty problems they had. Still the food came.
Then they turned to an idol. A golden cow. An idol it took them days to make.
Still the food came. Every morning. While they used their talents and treasures to create a statue to worship.

Still the food came.

WOW! That understanding blew me away. Literally blew open the doors of my mind.

Now, some of you will read this and go "duh." I think that's the way spiritual maturity is supposed to work, and I'm glad. I've been a Christian for 20+ years, and am also glad I still get surprised by God. It makes my heart dance when I figure out some new truth.

And for me, that's what happened early on the morning of June 4. I finally truly understood that God takes care of His own, always. ALWAYS. Once you trust your life to Jesus, commit to following Him, no matter what wilderness might appear, God will always provide for you. I'd spent most of my journey walking with God the Protector. Now I was finding myself face-to-faith with God the Provider.

Whose Spirit reminded me of another familiar word - the one at the top of this post.

You see, as much as I loved my life 12 weeks ago, I felt restless. Incomplete. Frustrated. I wanted ... something. But I was afraid to reach out and try to find it because I could see what a good life I had. I felt like the most ungrateful wretch being dissatisfied in any way with such a lovely life. God had blessed me in so many ways. How could I not just be still and enjoy them? Turns out, I was not made to sit still.

Turns out that one of the desires of my heart was to move.
To see some more of "God's green Earth."
To challenge myself in the million ways you do when you move.
To be nearer my family and watch my nieces and nephew grow up.
To be where the sun shines more often than not.

I *do* love the life I left behind. I love my friends. The beautiful scenery. The temperate weather. The safety of the school and community where I lived.

But I also love adventure.

And I trust that God will provide. Because more than anything, I love my God. And He promised that He's got me covered.